This is a little anecdote about a small occurrence from this afternoon.
At precisely 3:59pm, my CAP 305 (Sports Promotion) professor emailed our class a message saying he was canceling our 6-8:50pm class that night due to illness. He ended his message with this:
Also, I will provide extra credit to the first student who goes to class and posts a sign on the door that says: “CAP 305 is cancelled 1/29/13 due to illness” and sends me a photo of it to my E-mail.
Since I was already in Lake Superior Hall for another class, I decided to accept the task. Plus, a little extra credit never hurt anyone, right? So I responded with:
I’ll post the sign since I’m here anyway!
Of course, the class I was currently in started at 4pm, so I wouldn’t be able to post the sign until after 5:15pm, but who would show up 45 minutes early to class anyway?? My professor quickly responds with:
Too late! Jordan beat you too it.
Now, I’m not typically and over-achiever, nor am I a teacher’s pet (especially in this class, since I’m not exactly fluent in “sports”….or any type of exercise for that matter). But, for whatever reason, I was a little put off by this “Jordan” character. I mean, clearly he is trying to show up the rest of the class by being the first one to respond. And he’s a guy! He can speak sports – what does he need the extra points for?! I know I should have been paying attention to the class I was in at the moment, but a fire had ignited, deep down in my soul.
Clearly, this Jordan-guy needed to be put in his place…but how?! I had no idea when he planned on hanging the sign, so interception (hey look, a sports term!) was unlikely. I couldn’t leave in the middle of this class just to make a door sign…could I? No. If I was going to do this, it had to be done right. I formulated my simple, yet brilliant plan and emailed my professor this response:
We will see about that…
I waited patiently (and painstakingly) an entire hour for my class to get out, all the while fantasizing about the design of my sign. What fonts should I use? Should it be in color? Maybe I could add some fun images! The sky’s the limit!
Finally, my class let out and I walked/jogged downstairs to the computer lab. I logged in on the Mac, in what was probably a record-time, and opened up Illustrator. While waiting for the program to load, another student sat right next to me. I looked from him, to my monitor, and back to him, wondering if he would think it was strange (or a waste of paper and color ink) to design an elaborate door sign. A part of me wanted him to ask about it so I could share my ambitions. I even toyed with the idea of bringing it up myself by using some quick-witted introduction line like, “Hi I’m Rane. I see you like computers. Me too! Wanna hear a story?”
I quickly pushed these thoughts aside when I remembered why I was there in the first place. I was on a mission. This was war. Jordan could be standing in front of his sign at this very moment! All smug, waiting for that exclusive pat on the back… The fire in my soul was rekindled and roared with unbridled rage.
Illustrator finally was up and running. File. New. File name: hmmm…Rane’s winning door sign. Size: 8.5×11. Orientation: Landscape. And just a like that, a blank canvas lies before me. Like a newborn child, a blank slate with infinite potential. I glance at the clock. 5:25pm. Jordan was probably high-fiveing himself right now. After taking a photo and sending it to our professor, he probably posted to Facebook, too. “Hey guys. Check out this sign I hand-wrote in pen for my professor. It only took my 2 seconds – isn’t it sweet? I hope my professor personally acknowledges my efforts in front of the whole class next week because it will help me in my struggle for social validation from my peers…YOLO bros!”
I couldn’t let him get away with it. I typed up the sign copy, with a few minor enhancements, and scanned through the fonts for a suitable option. My old friend League Gothic was nowhere to be found, so I went with a different choice. I believe it was meant to resemble bold handwriting with a permanent marker. I went with it on a whim, which was difficult since, for me, choosing a font typically takes anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes. I found this font choice to be slightly ironic, considering I had just finished mocking an imaginary “Jordan” for handwriting his sign, but this realization only boosted my confidence in my final decision.
Bam. Printed. I skip over to the printer in my usual fashion and pick up the crisp, clean document. Step 2: tape. I scan the entire room about three times before determining that this lab simply lacked a key item in any office or classroom’s arsenal. I had no choice: I’d have to improvise. I rush back to my computer and said to the guy/stranger next to: “Heyyy, so, can you make sure no one steals my stuff??” (Referring to my backpack, wallet, keys, Macbook and iPad that were all scattered across the desk…on a mission, remember?). Before he could respond, I was out the door.
About one hallway and one flight of stairs later, I arrived at the classroom door. After catching my breath (it was a long ways!), I look up and, to my amusement, not one, but two signs were hanging to the left of the door frame, one on top of another. I took a moment and inspected the work of my foes.
The first (on the bottom) was a very poorly handwritten sign, in pen, of course. Jordan. Honestly, how hard would it have been to ask around for a marker? At least make bubble letters, for godsakes! After a long wince and an exaggerated shaking of the head, I dropped the top sign to evaluate my newest nemesis. Let’s call him Luke. No. Dave. Luke Skywalker single-handedly saved his name from being used in any negative context. Dave had also opted to take the typed-up route for his sign (kudos to him for remembering that we live in the digital age). However, the positive aspects of his design stop there. Calibri font. Centered. No size variation. No style changes. No witty additions. It was disgraceful. Fortunately, I had in my hands the solution. Only I still needed tape.
As luck would have it, our friend Dave apparently felt that his “masterpiece” required a 10-inch piece of tape, applied vertically, I might add. I ripped off an appropriate 3-inch piece and slapped my beautiful creation right on top of its inferior predecessors.
After a fist-pump, a quick photograph (see below) and a 15-second moment of silence to admire my hard work and bask in all it’s glory, I returned to the lab to begin packing up. The guy I had assigned to watch over my stuff made a comment to the likes of, “Some dude tired to steal your laptop but don’t worry, I fought him off.” …Clever. Of course, my naturally sarcastic instincts took over and I replied “Wow thanks man! I’m surprised he didn’t go for the iPad since it’s smaller…Go big or go home though, I guess.” And there is was. The introduction. This brief exchange was all I needed to start up a conversation. My dashed hopes of sharing my epic tale were suddenly brought back to life. And, after asking “so, do you wanna hear a story?”, share it I did.
Though he found my tale to be more comical than epic, he said he fully supported my decision to take matters into my own hands. Even though others may try to suppress my ambitions and stifle my dreams, I will choose to ignore these naysayers and pursue them anyways. As my mortal enemy Jordan would undoubtedly say, “you only live once”. And I intended on living in a world without fear of bold aspirations or careless sign-making.
I sent my professor this final message:
Three signs later and we’ve found ourselves a winner!
Rane – 1 Classmates – 0
sweet somethings 